The nothing felt itself different. This was the first feeling the nothing had experienced, it was the first anything that the nothing had experienced, and the nothing had to do another thing that was new, it had to think about it. This thinking, consisted of the creation of an internal understanding of what it thought it was experiencing, and it took, a very long time, 250 million years, for the nothing to finally think to itself “What the fuck is that?”. This was the name that the nothing called that very first feeling and this was the very first “word”, if you like, that made any sense to the nothing, but it was two words, that name, was “Jesus Christ!”
Over time, the nothing developed more of a vocabulary and understanding of self, purely because of this “introjected” feeling, or so it seemed. Because of this new feeling, the nothing, who thought itself nothing, for so long, was starting to think, it was starting to think, that it might be something. What that was, it did not know, it did not even have the vocabulary to imagine what that could be like. But the nothing, all of a sudden, knew something.
That new feeling, never changed, the nothing, inspired by this ability to think, continued expanding on its vocabulary, formulating other statements that explored that feeling, and how it was different to how it felt before.
Somewhere along the line, the nothing had a thought. It reasoned that these two feelings represented the boundaries for a spectrum of feeling. As, it somewhere between the two, is a midpoint, which should reveal a third feeling
It reasoned, that since it remembered the first feeling, the nothing feeling, then it could remember enough of that feeling, and feel it, to change the current balance, and create that third feeling. It took a lot of time to actually achieve any change in its feelings, but eventually, using vocabulary, the nothing named the old feeling as some kind of lonely, and the new feeling as some kind of not lonely. The nothing really wasn’t certain what these feelings were, but he had sufficient logic to get these names
It wasn’t that the nothing felt it had any kind of relationship. It’s just it knew the former state, involved feeling no feelings, and now it had a new feeling, so there were two of what was the totality of the nothings self-concept. It only knew those two things about itself.
Using these two crude understandings, the nothing hoped it could add a third aspect to itself, and it spent more time exploring the differences between these two feelings, until it understood how they opposed each other, it worked out how to convince itself, that it did not feel like this new feeling, and felt nothing, and once it was able to switch between these two feelings, it considered how to go about finding that halfway point. It discovered that the solution was to experience both feelings at the same time, thus finding the divine equation, that formed the basis of its future work – 1+1 = 3
The nothing got to work. It now could see that 3+1 = 5, and 5+1 = 7, the divine was seeing a fundamental mathematic system, very different to our own, it was teaching itself magic, from fundamental principles, it had found a system that allowed it to grow, in terms of its own understanding of self, it’s diversity of feelings, and the resulting higher level of self-concept and ability to self-introspect.
Now you might say, surely there is a limit to what you can find out about yourself, if all you have to go by is two feelings, which don’t really amount to much. To the nothing, these were just two different states of being, but they weren’t vastly different, they were just different enough to be recognised. Eventually, the nothing realised this, and hit a bit of a dead end. It played around alternating with what were now 8 different feelings, the nothing state, and 7 distinct feelings that the nothing could identify, any further additions just seemed like the same as the last “new” feeling. But other than refining its vocabulary and ability to describe the differences between the feelings, all of which were not that much different. It made little progress. Its expansion of self had stopped.
Then, much later, the nothing got angry. It decided this new feeling was just a waste of time, and that it really could do without it, that it was better to go back to the nothing state, and forget all about that new feeling, it decided, to believe it was no longer there, it decided to carry the first-ever dissociation. It consciously placed that feeling into its unconscious mind, by convincing itself it never existed, and creating “prop” beliefs that meant any memory of that feeling was instantly suppressed from its stream of thought.
The nothing did not realise that it had found another aspect of divine maths. 1/2 = 3
The nothing took it’s self concept of nothing, and excluded everything else from its mind. This created two parts of itself, due to that self-denial, The part that was accepted, and the part that was not, but also, there was that original part, the whole, that was there, but also hidden.
The relationship between these three parts of the nothing is very interesting because these three components developed into what Freud called the Ego, the Id and the superego.
And they are also reflected in humans, in terms of the left brain, the right brain and what I will call for now, the consciousness. But this consciousness is not exactly what you might think of, based on human understandings. This is the story of the emergence of consciousness, and at this stage. Consciousness did not really include long-term memory, simply due to the lack of need, there was very little to remember, and it was all held in what we think of as short-term memory.
If you think of the right brain as holding the Id, what we choose to think we are not, and the left brain is the superego, what we allow ourselves to believe we are, and the consciousness, in this state as the ego, the set of rules which hides the Id from the self-concept, and the set of rules that supports the superego’s “truth” that only it exists.
Now you are saying, the human mind is more than this, and you are right, there is this other thing called awareness. But, the nothing had yet to realise this, and was yet to separate its awareness from its ego.
Without knowing it, the nothing had sent itself into a state that we often call asleep, also spiritual bypass. It had made a lie of itself, it had decided that part of itself was “bad”.
At first, the nothing was happy in this lie it was telling itself. Nothing was going on, it no longer needed to think, and it was back to being the endless nothing it remembered. Time passed, nothing happened.
A long time later, the nothing started to get a new feeling. This time, the nothing knew it did not like it. It did not know much about it, but it knew the difference between like sand dislike, as it had to make that concept up to return to being nothing. (edited)
It had also chosen to dislike, and reject all feelings other than feeling 0 – nothingness. So it did the same to this new feeling and rejected it. This worked, and the nothing returned to Its nothing existence, and more time passed, until, much later, yet another feeling appeared.
It was at this time that the nothing discovered something. It discovered that it had long-term memories. Furthermore, it could tell the difference, as these took longer to find, they did not come instantly to mind. But something the nothing did not know, is that those long-term memories had changed.
So, what was going on? Well, the nothing was later to discover. The thought of self has to be the whole thought of the true self, and when we introduce self-denial and dissociation, that thought of self becomes multiple, separate thoughts. Three in this instance, each of whom can think for themselves. This meant that hidden by ego, the Id had become a separate thought of self, an anti thought based on self-denial, the nothing had turned its Christ, into its anti-Christ, instead of finding a way to love that new feeling (as it did not know how to love), it was going to find out how to hate it. (edited)
This antichrist, the shadow aspect of self, had been told to keep its mouth shut, and to never remind the nothing that it was there. But, that thought considered itself a prisoner, and it built up resentment. It found it had access to the nothing’s memories, and that actually, it could take them, and change them, and what the nothing had decided was long-term memory, due to this delay, was actually this anti-Christ aspect, intercepting that memory lookup, working out what it wanted the nothing to remember, and only releasing that information. In addition, when the shadow thought looked into the nothing’s memory, it realised that all it had to do, to mess with the nothing, without breaking any rules, is convince the nothing it had other feelings. And that it did not like any of them.
