Recurring Negative Thoughts
Once you have worked at being mindful for some time, you will become aware that there are some thoughts and feelings that you struggle to eradicate. These include anger, fear, depression, hate and various other negative thoughts and emotions that you would rather be free from.
This is because most of us have subconscious problems that need to be addressed but as I have said, prior to being able to work with these it is important to clear the mind of its clutter in order to be able to focus on these deeper issues.
For a large number of people, these issues stem from past hurts that left deep emotional scars that are coming to the surface through these thoughts and feelings.
Because we are all individuals, there are numerous ways to deal with these problems and my aim is to give you an understanding of the mechanics on how this process works so that you can understand exactly what is happening.
For a large number of people, most emotional scars happen during childhood. You do not need to have a particularly traumatic childhood in order to pick up these scars, it seems that as children we are particularly sensitive and vulnerable to criticism and abusive behaviour and our tendency is to unconsciously blame ourselves for the hurt inflicted on us by others.
It is typical for many children having been attacked or told off for their behaviour (self-expression) to reject that aspect of self in order to prevent that expression from being the cause of such pain in future. The more traumatic the childhood, the more this process occurs, sometimes until the child finds them-self feeling emotionally numb, in later life.
The overall process shows that issues caused during childhood will resurface later in life and present themselves as specific negative and often obsessive thoughts; these include self-harm, depression, irrational fears and a range of other negative issues.
It is as if the child stores away problems so that later, when older and more mature, they can be dealt with.
We are often taught to supress these feelings and yet we are also compelled by their nature to express them, so if we do suppress them, they either grow stronger or come out in different, more complex ways that are more complicated to deal with. Obviously these behaviours can be very self-destructive and control is required, but it should be noted that they won’t just go away until you have dealt with them one way or the other.
When a child rejects an aspect of self, it is often an emotional aspect that is cut off and suppressed by ego, which seeks to ensure the child’s happiness by removing the connection to that particular emotion or feeling.
The result is often twofold; the child will grow up feeling disconnected from those emotions and will also develop attachments that will either reflect a need to get that emotion from others or an inversion of that emotion, in other words a person lacking a loving connection with self could either develop a need to feel that love from others or will seek to feel hate for others. This seems to be entirely down to the individual in question and I should also emphasise that this is a very simplistic example. The reality is that we see many hurts in many ways and these accumulate to create our own individual expression of that inner pain.
So the key thing here is to realise that when we have these recurring negative thoughts and emotions, we are seeing the symptoms of a deeper problem and the fact that we see these symptoms is good news, as it means we have something definite to work with.
In my view all people see these hurts during childhood and most think of their adult expression as being normal, when in reality they are as disconnected from their emotional and true self as an individual who is self-harming due to the same lack of feelings.
The only difference is that those people who perceive themselves as normal have developed an ego that is successful in hiding these problems from self and therefore counter-intuitively, it is those people who are having these negative recurring thoughts and emotions that are closer to their own true recovery.
So, if you are suffering from these thoughts, remember that these are clues to knowing the self. You should also know by now that ego will help you repair that past hurt by making the wound obvious, through the symptoms and bringing about the situation, whereby you can heal those pains.
For hurts caused by childhood, the way to healing is to remember the expression of self that was rejected and to arrive at an authentic and safe expression of that original hurt.