Ego and Soul Splits
During our childhood we have trauma that distresses us, we come to hate that aspect of self that we feel brought about that hurt to us and we seek to get rid of this. Without speaking, ego seeks to hide this aspect of self from us, so that we are no longer minded to have that aspect of behaviour. Over time ego will blur and hide memories of that behaviour until eventually we forget almost completely that this behaviour ever happened, at that time the soul split is complete and we have lost our connection with that aspect of self.
Throughout childhood this process occurs many times for most people, they do something that ends up with them getting into trouble, and in their pain they will unknowingly turn to ego to hide that aspect of self from them. Thus over time and throughout childhood a great deal of self is lost.
Losing such large portions of self as this process ultimately removes, means for a lot of people that they lose their connection to their emotional centre, they become numb to feelings and this also causes them distress since they want to feel like other people and have appropriate emotional responses, they want to feel alive.
Since they can’t connect to their real emotions ego steps in and provides them with false ego based emotions. Such emotions are often based on learning from others; seeing how other people react and display their emotions and copying them, and also to a large extent, logical value judgements play a part. For example, ego will count how many times a person has shown the individual love and once a certain threshold has been achieved then it will allow and show self how to display love back to the other person. This love does not come from the heart but comes from the “machine self” if you will, it is a facsimile of love, something that does not come naturally but instead has to be worked on.
This is why many people find it hard to obtain and sustain loving relationships, they are dwelling in a logic based ego representation of love that can only show love as a response to having the same feelings delivered to them from another person. In other words, if the other person is unable to show love for whatever reason then the ego bound individual will very quickly withdraw into their shell and be unable to display love. This is the transient nature of ego based love, some people utilise many tricks to sustain this form of love but inside each of them know that this is a false projection from their ego self.
So it should be seen that soul fractures do not simply isolate us from aspects of our character, that they can also isolate us from emotions which in turn mean that the individual in adolescence will have a lack of emotional intelligence that ego will seek to make up for by the creation of false emotional responses based on logical value judgements.
It is typically some time after adolescence that the individual with soul splits begins to feel unhappy with this ego self they have created and again ego plays a role in what is called the soul retrieval – the task of finding and reintegrating all those aspects of self that were lost during childhood and through those traumas and issues that first caused the individual to question and reject these aspects of self.
It could be said that ego is imperfect for good reason, if we start to think ego is self we become unstuck, we become the egoist. If we rely too much of ego to create the self that we portray to the outside world then ego will make mistakes. These mistakes are often clues to our pathways for inner healing. Ego cannot sustain false love because that is not how a human should be, being able to portray false love is always a short term sticking plaster, a trick that ego can create in order to help out, it can never be a long term solution and if we rely on it too much it will fail us.
It fails us, in order that we can start asking questions about self, for most of us, we find ourselves ego-bound almost by accident; we have a rough life, find ourselves without emotions and realise ego can make up for our deficiency, over time we find ourselves relying more and more on ego until we get to a point where ego lets us down, but at that point we probably do not even realise it is ego that has failed, we think it is self that has failed. Little do we know that true self has been hidden and that these cracks in ego are designed to give us hints towards finding self.
Many people blame ego for these imperfections, others seek to build even better ego’s but the real solution is to work with ego on retrieving your lost soul fragments in order that you can again be whole; how you were when you were first born.
Here is where becoming mindful is key, we must understand that the messages in our mind are not simply self, that these also come from ego and from lost aspects of self that we need to reconnect to. Each of us needs to look deep within and work out what true self really is.